Sal Monella's Chicken Restaurant
Who is Sal Monella and why is he in my chicken
Since its recent opening, Sal Monella's Chicken Restaurant has been the talk of the town. Sal offers a diverse menu of chicken, rooster, hen, poultry, and fowl. If it hasn't been made apparent already, this is going to be a review full of sarcasm and harsh criticism.
Sal's restaurant has been nothing but a letdown before I even stepped in. The corny cartoon of a chicken with a top hat on offers nothing but an annoyance to visitors of the restaurant. If anything, the ugly ass chicken mascot makes me want to choke it and eat it for lunch, which may have been Sal's intent all along, so I'll give him that. Then there's Sal himself, who never misses a day of work at his restaurant. His judgmental stare pierces into your very soul as you step forward through the squeaky double doors.
The food itself actually took more than a half-hour to arrive after I ordered, which is a half-hour too long for a tray of mediocre chicken to show up on my table. The restaurant's decor is nothing special, and I truly do not understand why it's all the rage. It's the most basic design possible, with spruce logs stacked to form the delicate walls and red and white checkerboard tablecloths adorning the white plastic tables. The lighting is weak, and I had to keep closing my eyes shut tight to reset my light sensitivity and actually be able to read the menu, which was poorly laminated and gave me papercuts.Then there's the actual food, which I haven't covered yet because there was so much to hate about this god-forsaken place before I even took a bite. The menu offers 16 meals, which are all nearly the exact same but written with titles that deceive one into thinking that there's more than one measly option. It's all chicken tenders and chicken nuggets, with lame fries on the side that are soggy by the time you get to dig in. My real chicken tender eaters who are reading this review know that there are 2 types of tendies: the good crusty ones and the nasty slimy ones. Sal's chicken tenders aren't even the good crusty ones that you get at your local Publix or movie theater which doubles as a classic restaurant. Instead, they're the ones that look like they've barely been fried, that you couldn't even break a piece of the crust off without seeing the pinkish-white inside. Nasty.
I'm fully convinced after just 2 visits to the restaurant that the employees have virtually no idea what they're doing and were hired without an interview or application. They probably just show up and do whatever they want because the social view of this restaurant is that it's the best thing since sliced bread. They didn't even know who their manager was when I asked to see him, and they made fun of my revolutionary mom hairstyle. I spent all of my last paycheck on this strawberry blonde tinting to make the natural brunette color of my hair stand out and really get those single middle-aged mens' attention, so I don't wanna hear it.
As a Karen, it's my job to review restaurants and focus on solely the negatives so that my loyal fanbase knows which restaurants to visit and which to avoid. I'd say I did a very thorough job when investigating my local Sal Monella's, and I demand that anyone reading this gives me a good review because I can dish out criticism but I can't receive it without yelling at my kids and making them believe it's their fault.
Thank you, and here are my sources.
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Julian,
ReplyDeleteYour blog was so funny and interesting to read. I feel like you did a good job in describing and explaining in your writing, which made it very entertaining. For example, When you were talking about the inside of the place, you said, "It's the most basic design possible, with spruce logs stacked to form the delicate walls and red and white checkerboard table clothes...", I could clearly picture what you were talking about. Another thing I liked about your blog was how you talked about other. For example, you said, "My real chicken tender eaters...", I thought that was a good thing to say because you connected to the readers/people. Overall, I would give you a band 2.
Mr. Bling,
ReplyDeleteYour blog is interesting to say the least. You took a very unique viewpoint, and you were decently descriptive. You have some vague-ish words, but nothing that impacts the meaning of your paper. It was funny, and seemed like an actual review relating to your audience. You didn't have any big grammar mistakes, and I like how you flushed out your 'character' to add more perspective. Overall, low band 2, only because I felt the amount of jokes took away from the actual review of the place.
Julian the first thing that I can say is this is very imaginative. You definitely did this in your own your and your were pretty descriptive in your essay. You clearly had a goal to critique the restaurant as a Karen. It seems like an actual review a Karen would leave on a restaurant she had a bad experience at. You had clear structure and your grammar was pretty decent. I would give this around a band 3 since the jokes were funny, but that wouldn't be the best for the actual test.
ReplyDeleteHey Bruv,
ReplyDeleteThis has probably been the best blog out of the five that I have read so far. I am sitting here all alone behind my computer screen and you made me laugh. This blog was funny. I found that the grammar was good compared to all of the other blogs that I have read today. The comedy aspect didn't really take away from the over all picture. However, in a real AICE test, this would not be cool mayun. I like how your blog was still descriptive even though it was very funny. Keep up the good work.
Low Band 3
Julian,
ReplyDeleteThe structure in most of the blog is excellent, how you split paragraphs into different aspects of the restaurant and focused on them throughout them. This being said, this was lacking in the first few paragraphs where the topic was somewhat unclear and the focus was shifting every few sentences. The best part of your blog was writing for the audience. In the beginning you made it clear that you were reviewing the restaurant and then wrapped it up at the end stating that you were a Karen. I do think that you focused a little too much on the Karen lifestyle, but I also doubt you would do this on an AICE test, so it's fine for a humorous blog. The descriptions were good because you covered multiple parts of the restaurant, but you could have also gone into more detail.
High Band 3
Also I find that just straight up beating your children is much more effective at getting your anger out rather than yelling at them, just a friendly tip.