Bed, Wed, Dead
Myrtle Wilson. Do I even need to say anything more?
This woman is a baddie. The very first adjective the book uses to describe Myrtle is "thickish." THICKISH. She carries "her surplus flesh sensuously as some women can." In case you missed how much sexual heat this babe radiates, Fitzgerald describes the "nerves of her body" as "continually smouldering." SMOULDERING. She's so smoldering, in fact, that Fitzgerald misspelled the word smoldering simply thinking about her*. Now, if you've read this sultry description of Myrtle Wilson and still have second thoughts about taking her to bed, your head is as thick as those thighs.
Despite Myrtle's animalistic allure, there's only one babe in The Great Gatsby worthy of the title Queen Bling: Jordan Baker. One thing I can say about my man Nick the Narrator is that he's intelligent and precise; so when he says, "I enjoyed looking at her," when illustrating Jordan Baker, I trust him. Jordan is a smart, headstrong woman, while also a celebrity. Besides the whole "woman" part, I can relate 100%.
When you decide you want to spend the rest of your life with someone, it has to be a person you can relate to and feel comfortable around. Ms. Baker (soon to be Mrs. Baker) is so confident in herself, even detailed by Nick as "self-sufficient," that I can tell she'd be able to get things done in the relationship. For extra measure, she's got an "erect carriage," and who doesn't get tingles just hearing those words?
You boys are lucky November's over
Then there's Daisy. She's just so unappealing to me because she can never make up her mind, like most women. At this point in writing my blog, I'm at a loss for words because I truly cannot think of any quality Daisy has that attracts me beside her appearance. She's dead, and it would be easy too - I just need to get her in the driver's seat of Gatsby's car but make sure she hits a tree rather than Myrtle.
Now I have to figure out how to word the next three paragraphs in order to receive a decent grade on this blog without my peers questioning my sexuality.
Nope.
Gatsby, on the other hand, is handsome, interesting, committed, and RICH. Who doesn't love a rich guy? That's rhetorical - everyone likes you if you're rich; even if they claim they don't, they're envious. Being married to Gatsby means getting anything you desire, not to mention Jay Gatsby's unmatched passion. He's got a "gorgeous car," a hydroplane, multiple story mansion, and he's got a smile you may only come across "four or five times in life." Myrtle was one thing, but if you've read this description of Gatsby and still have second thoughts about accepting his proposal, your head is as thick as that windshield must have been to not disintegrate upon crashing into Myrtle's surplus flesh.
I'm stuck in the same pickle with George as I was with Daisy - he really doesn't provide many attractive features besides his "faintly handsome" appearance. Tom's best guess at what goes on inside George's brain is that "he's so dumb he doesn't know he's alive." Like seriously, if you disagree with me, please take it up in the comments, because I don't know what all the hype around George Wilson is.
To recap: Bed Myrtle, wed Jordan, dead Daisy. Bed Tom, wed Gatsby, dead George.
Thank you, and here are my sources.
*Correction - smouldering is a European variant of smoldering. My bad. I still think the following sentence was too powerful to rewrite.
Hey Julian, I'd like to start off by saying the way you describe these characters and bring them up is very interesting and made me laugh. I chose different characters for all except Jordan and Gatsby and I feel like those are obvious choices. I feel like you have Wilson wrong though. He is a really nice and hard working guy that just gets screwed over by Tom constantly so I think that describing him with someone that Tom said about him is just wrong. Especially when Tom is stupid himself and only acts like he knows a lot more than he does. I feel like you could've done more with Wilson and I don't agree with you choices mostly just Tom, but every person has their own preferences.
ReplyDeleteHey Julian! Nice blog, but I think you might need to explain a few things.
ReplyDeleteFirst off, I can totally see why you would choose Myrtle over Daisy for your “bed” option, but I think that there are a few things off about it. My main gripes are that you only really ever go over the two characters’ appearances and never really go into the negatives or personalities for either character. Like, I can understand given the options as to why you would bed Myrtle and dead Daisy, but you’re going to have to actually listen to Myrtle during, and I can imagine that would be an ordeal! Your male options have a similar sort of problem where you explain how handsome and masculine he is while never really thinking about how much of a douche he is. I also think that you sold George a bit short, he’s a hardworking type of guy despite him being not as handsome as George- but that’s just me.
I think that it was a good blog overall but I think you could definitely improve this.
Julian I really like the humor throughout your blog I found it to be pretty entertaining but I don't agree with your choices that you chose for each category. To start with the women, you chose to kill Daisy but why Daisy she has had to spend years of her life with a man who doesn't love her and is out having an affair with another woman and cheating on his wife. She has to live day to day with the thought that her husband doesn't love her. Then there if your choice to hook up with Myrtle but why on earth would you hook up with her all she is looking for in life is a sugar daddy and do you really want that it's practically paying someone to be your friend and that is pathetic. You say that she has “surplus flesh” but she is also the one who ran out into the middle of traffic and got hit by a car, what kind of person runs out into the middle of the road that cars are going down? It was of natural selection suicide than a murder. Hook-up with Tom? Why Tom he is very ignorant he chose to blame Gatsby for the death of his “Lover” because he didn't know all the facts and thought that it was Gatsby driving plus he was mad over the fact that he was just told that his wife was leaving him and that his lover was moving away too all in the matter of a day. And besides his looks he is a loser he is very rude and he was born into a rich family where he never had to work for anything. Finally George was the only one up until the end of the book that was not having an affair or cheating on his wife. Overall your blog is very funny but there is room for improvement of your choices for each person.
ReplyDeleteJulian, I think your blog was amazing. You made me laugh but made me actually use my brain for once. However, I do not agree with some of your points. I also saw you did not explain your reasoning for your responses. Julian, you had some amazing points and if you explained them more this blog would have been unbelievable. But, you had the right amount of comedy and information in your blog. Although, you had some amazing points on who you would bed, wed, dead I do however do not agree with you. Even though Myrtle is thickish that is still not a good enough reason to roll around in the sheets with her. Myrtle is thick but she is also annoying and is a total copy cat. Myrtle is trying to be daisy so if you think about it you are going to be banging a worse version of Daisy. Even though Daisy is unappealing and there are no words to describe her that is still not a good enough reason to kill Daisy to be totally honest with you. She is, in my opinion, better than Myrtle. Even though Myrtle is a thick beast she is still more annoying then Daisy. Even though I do no agree with you on half of your points for the girl I do, however, agree with your reasoning on Jordan Baker. She is confident in herself and has an erect carriage she does hold the truth from people and cheats. But if you think about it everyone lies and cheats so its not a big deal. So I do agree with you for the girls.
ReplyDeleteNow, for the guys. I do not agree with 2 out of 3 of your choices. Why would you bed Tom? Even though he is muscular and he might have a big "truck"(if you know what I mean) I still do not agree with you. He is a mean, abusive, sexist and racist. Why would you ever want to roll around the sheets with a guy who is all of those things? But at least you didn't say you would marry him.
George Wilson. Why would you ever want to kill George? He is sweet but shy. I don't even believe he would hurt a fly.
The only choice you had that I agree with fully is marrying Gatsby. You said it better then I could ever " marrying Gatsby means you can get anything you desire."
Heyyyyyy, your blog was absolutely hilarious!! Your word count wasn't as much as you using write, but I don't even care, my heart is laughing. The first sentence, "Myrtle Wilson. Do I even need to say anything more?" I felt that. You had exactly 681 words in your blog and I wish you had more just so I could laugh more. Your title is very clever, and mine was similar to yours, great minds think alike I guess. I disagree with you choice of hitting Tom, I killed him, but at least it was just a hook up. I also disagree on marrying Gatsby. I agree with Amelia Fontella, "I do, however, agree with your reasoning on Jordan Baker. She is confident in herself and has an erect carriage she does hold the truth from people and cheats. But if you think about it everyone lies and cheats so its not a big deal. So I do agree with you for the girls." Jordan was the best choice to go to. Overall, love the blog! you are so funny.
ReplyDeleteAn absolute masterpiece. Truly poetic. Julian, this was a hilarious blog to read and I agree with most of your choices. However, I do disagree with your placement of George and your analysis of his character. It appears you view him as someone who is simply dumb and oblivious to everything that is happening in the world. As much as I agree with him being oblivious, I feel that George Wilson is a caring and genuine person who just isn't bright enough to realize the things that are happening behind his back. I chose him as the hook up, but I do understand your decision. Also, I disagree with your choice to hook up with Tom, rather than Wilson. I'm aware it's just a hook up, but Tom is an inconsiderate, selfish man who only cares about things that benefit himself. Yes, he is extremely wealthy. However, his character and attitude would make most people choose to kill him. Overall, your blog was very well done from beginning to end. Good work, Mr. Bling.
ReplyDeleteJulian, this was a very... interesting blog. It was very humorous and your use of images really helped with that. I didn't choose the same characters to bed and dead, but I chose the same ones to wed, so I agree with what you said about that. You took a different interpretation of Myrtle than I did. You took into her account her "thickish" figure and "smoldering" looks as positive. When Nick was describing her, I thought he did it in a sort of disgust. I think that he was almost describing her with a sort of sarcasm. I would bed Daisy since as we all know, she is not wife material, but her radiant smile that brightens up the room is just one of the reasons why. Therefore I would kill Myrtle as she is in my opinion worse than Daisy in ways. At least Tom deserved to be cheated on. In regards to the men, I bed Wilson and dead Tom. Wilson is too kind hearted and humble. He only committed an atrocious act as he had nothing to lose after losing his wife. He is much better a man that the piece of crap that is Tom. Overall, good blog, could have used more explanation.
ReplyDeleteWow. There are definitely some interesting takes to be processed here. For starters, I wouldn't be writing this if I agreed with you completely, but I am able to see your points (even though there is a lack of textual evidence). I decided to kill Myrtle because she cucked George, but I am happy we both can agree that her 'thiccish' figure is a strong positive. There is definitely more to be desired in explanation and detail, as some of your arguments are just a few sentences long, but I can for the most part see what you are trying to say, I just wish there was more. The comedy really helped your blog and it is the main reason why I am not tearing it to pieces. It really help and I am able to enjoy your blog instead of just read it just to get in a comment.
ReplyDeleteJulian, your humor and gifs only amplified my liking to this blog, and the points behind it. I really like how you used humor to explain your thoughts, it made reading this actually enjoyable. However, I completely disagree that hooking up with Tom would be a good idea, who cares that he is hot, he would probably backhand you just like he did to Myrtle. Tom has now taken his aggressive verbal language and surpassed it significantly, resorting to physical violence. Additionally, I would especially not marry him, because he would most likely cheat on me, just like he did to his own wife, with some wannabe, Myrtle.
ReplyDeleteEverything about your blog was amazing. The comedy was perfect. The only problem is that you decided to bed Myrtle and not Daisy. Unfortunately, your blog did not convince me otherwise and it was for a few reasons. First one being that there was no quotes or anything to back up your claim, except that she was thickish. Another reason is that Myrtle isn't original and she wants to be someone she's not. She tries to be like Daisy. In other words I'm trying to say that Daisy is better.
ReplyDelete